My Life Story

... it does change your thought processes. When you pass middle age you start to realize the things you now won't live long enough to do, you reevaluate your goals and maybe admit defeat on some of them. That's what sends some people into Crisis.  This, the old and have a terminal illness hourglass, feels more solid. Harder to deny. I think of major things,  like my dream to go backpacking in Japan, and little things, like why worry about the long term damage of nasal spray? when I just have a short term left. Kinda funny.

Yesterday I went for my 2nd Moderna Covid vaccine.  My arm hurts and I feel a little crappy,  achy, headache, loe grade temp. Maybe this is as bad as it gets.  Jess ordered flowers,  donuts and chocolates for me. That was my first Mother's Day gifts. Then more flowers and plants from everyone else here. The big surprise, Jeanette sent sushi for my lunch. I don't know how I feel about that. And somehow it bothered my to find out that Jess knew she was doing it. Did Jess ask her to?? And what does it mean? Is Jeanette forgiving me for the mess she made? Does she in any way realize that I didn't Ever attack Her??  I felt a warmth in my heart when it was delivered. I do love and miss My Daughter.  Do I forgive her for the last year of abuse? Do I even understand it?? Even if she really believes that I did her wrong somehow, would that justify her vicious attacks?? Whatever she might or might not know, she KNOWS she told lies to smear me. Who treats their mother...