The Farm 1985 - 1994

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Goree, Womens Prison

 Maybe you've noticed that I haven't said anything about beatings,  rapes, etc. in jail or prison.  That's because I never experienced or even saw anything like that.  It wasn't going to a dangerous Hell. It was just a completely different reality.  Yes, of course there were some fights,  but never anything serious.  The Dykes at Harris County and Goree did really like me but it was always an invitation,  not a demand or even anything disrespectful.  I saw some womwn who were couples but never unwilling partners.  There were women with full beards and hair on their chest,  I'd never seen that before! but I didn't know any of them personally.  No gang stuff either but that might be the decade I was there.  Sure,  there were gangs in the world but I never knew anything about "gang activity", cryps or  bloods. The only gangs I had heard of were motorcycle gangs like the Hells Angels in California and the Banditos in...
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Failure

Depression evaluations ask if you feel like a failure like that feeling means there is something wrong with you. The fact is that there are people who fail, some who fail at everything they try to do. Should those people not Feel It? Should they find a magic pill to take so they don't feel it? Live in total denial?  I know for a fact that you can look back at every endeavor or dream and Know that you failed to accomplish any of it.  I had Big Dreams and plans for my life. I went through deciding some things had to Wait. Wait until the kids were grown or at least less dependent.  Wait until I had more money. 
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Letter to Jenise

 I'm saving this her for now.  I don't know where but I know it belongs somewhere in this.  Dearest Jenise, I know I should have sent this a week ago. But here it goes. For years I was hurting Jessica without really thinking about it. Jessalynn always called or came to me whenever she was hurt, sick, or just needed someone to talk to. I only saw and understood the damage when Jessalynn stopped talking to me. Then I watched Jessica just bloom finally having Jessalynn's full attention. I swore I would never make that mistake again, meaning with you. When your mom so desperately wanted to fix things with you I immediately took a few steps back.  When you got pregnant and she was So Excited,  I told her that I would only go with you to any appointments that she could not.  Of course I wanted to be The One!! Now I sit here just confused. If I hadn't done that, then I would be the one in the most pain over you leaving instead of your mother.  What have I...
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